Mullah Nasrudin and the Eulogy

Mullah Nasruddin was in a contemplative mood, drinking coffee with his friends. They found themselves pondering death and the legacy they would leave behind.
“When you are lying wrapped in your shroud, with your friends and family mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?” asked a friend.
“I would like to hear them say that I was a great healer who saved hundreds of lives,” said the local hakeem.
The barber stroked his ample beard and said, “I would like to hear that I was a great father to my children and raised a fine brood who will bring honour to our tribe for generations to come.”
The Mullah smiled at their words. “Well, what I’d really like to hear them say is ‘Look! He’s MOVING!!!” he exclaimed.

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Warning:Contains Nuts

I like those daft warnings you get on bags of peanuts. So I was rather tickled by the laundry instructions on my new ironing board cover.  (Yes, I’m easily amused – don’t judge me.)

Iron on Reverse

 

Moronic Quote of the Week

Far too often you read or hear something so stunningly daft that it leaves you blinking and wondering what kind of vegetable this person was using in lieu of a brain that day.

This week I offer you:

“Heels show the humanity burkas lack” – Joan Smith in The Independent applauds a Romanian minister who distributed high heeled shoes as aid for flood victims, and vilifies women who veil.

and then there was this:

“I’m a really integrated person. My husband is English and my friends are white.” – Saira Khan attempts to distance herself from the brown person on the sofa on ITV’s This Morning show during a debate about banning the burka in the UK.

 

And this month’s bravery award goes to… the Dawn Drummer of New York!

Mr Boota is a seventh generation drummer who just can’t help himself. I salute his dedication mash’Allah – I can barely wake myself up before dawn, never mind half my neighbourhood. I heard the traditional Ramadan drummers on a trip to Pakistan a few years ago. In the neighbourhood where I was staying the drummer was a Christian man and the tradition was to shower him with money and gifts on Eid as a thank you for his services the preceding month. I hope Mr Boota receives an appreciative gift or two this Eid – just to balance out all that abuse.

Giving Ramadan a Drumroll in Brooklyn at 4 A.M.

A few hours before dawn, when most New Yorkers are fast asleep, a middle-aged man rolls out of bed in Brooklyn, dons a billowy red outfit and matching turban, climbs into his Lincoln Town Car, drives 15 minutes, pulls out a big drum and — there on the sidewalk of a residential neighborhood — starts to play.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/13/nyregion/13drummer.html?_r=1

 

Direct Line to God

One of the attractions of Islam is the direct nature of a Muslim’s relationship with God. Everyone has a direct line  – you don’t need to dial via a priest or saint. This little girl on Sunnipath takes that idea to the next level. 

“SunniPath is the vanguard of combining religion and technology. A funny thing happened a few days ago. I was reading a dua at a remote mosque. I didn’t have it memorized so I was reading along with a recording on my iphone. A five to six year old Palestinian girl came up to me and pointed at the iphone and said, “Aysh hadha (what’s that)?” I responded, a telephone. Thinking I was reading Quran, she continued her inquiry, “You’re reading Quran on a telephone?” Laughingly, I tried my best to explain, “No, no. It’s also an electronic device as well that can play Quran and I read along.” With a look of amazement on her face she blurted, “Are you talking to Allah on a telephone?” I thought about it and I guess I was since I was making dua and using an iphone. It was a bit of a reach but I didn’t want to disappoint her. “Yup.” Her eyes got bigger. “Can I try?” I shrugged my shoulders and put the headphones on her. “Ya Allah, bidee diraja (O Allah, I want a bicycle).”

Source: Zaheer Razack at Sunnipath

 

Song for the Seekers

I came across something a little different. I wasn’t sure what to expect of something calling itself British Muslim Song. I’m always a little cautious around English nasheed offerings because so many well-meaning creations are just bad translations with cringe-worthy lyrics. I’m sorry Sami Yusuf, you have a lovely voice and I’m sure you’re a jolly-nice-fellow but some of your rhymes are verging on the criminal.

And then there’s also that British Muslim choir, Harmonia Alcorani, at the opposite spectrum. They have some decent lyrics, but I can’t stand that choir-boy warbling. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not being prejudicialist.  I was once an unlikely member of the school choir myself I’ll have you know, and have squawked my way through many a ‘Morning Has Broken’ and ‘When a Knight Won His Spurs’ (tho you’ll be relieved to hear you won’t catch me auditioning for Britain’s Got Talent,  like some kind of hijabi-Susan-Boyle ::shudder::). All that high-pitched soprano warbling leaves me cold. Deep bass Gregorian chanting is a little more palatable, but I couldn’t take a whole album.

Anyhow, when I came across a free download of  ‘He who Seeks (Nihavend No.34)’, sung by that very-nice-chap Dawud Wharnsby, I was a wee bit wary. At first hearing I mulled over its unfamiliar style and decided that it was different, but I wasn’t sure if I actually liked it. To give it a fair go I replayed it a couple of times…until I finally forgave it its novelty, and found myself truly moved.  I think it hints at folk music rather than straight-up choir, which probably helps. So despite my initial misgivings I have to say it’s really grown on me and I hope there’ll be more to come. Just keep the pitch low and manly, and leave out the nightingales and roasted larks.

 

Bad Hijab Day

www.ninjabi.com

 

Are you Halalish? Halalim? Halalian?

While browsing a natural beauty product site I came across this un-grammatical and amusing disclaimer. Tell me, are you Halalish?

“We don’t use any alcohols, or animal ingredients in our products they are not associated with harmful ingredients so are suitable for those who follow the Halal religion.”

Essentially Yours.co.uk

 

Rumi-nating

I love a lot of Jalaludin Rumi’s poetry, but I have to admit some of it is a bit too flowery for my taste. Which is probably why I laughed so hard at this parody by Mr Moo:

Ruminating

When I walked across the leaves to meet your gaze
my socks got wet and I got a cold
when I wandered the desert, drunk on your love
the doctors gave me an IV drip and told me to not do something so silly again

Read the rest here

 

Muslim Panda Fights Raise Funds for Semtex

It’s a tad unfair to choose this article for such a daft reason, but you should read it if only for the pleasure of coming across this marvellous sentence in The Independent:

“Muslims in Darlington have been raising money for semtex by organising panda fights.”

The article by Mark Steel pours Montypythonesque scorn upon a popular trashy tabloid newspaper which shamelessly invents stories demonising Muslims.

Wife-beating? That’s fine – unless you’re a Muslim

There’s also a panda-less and more detailed article about the same subject too:

The shameful Islamophobia at the heart of Britain’s press