Someone posted a business card through the letter box today, for the services of “Hussain Builder”. I’m guessing that ‘Builder’ is his trade rather than his surname. More guesswork is required to figure out exactly what Mr Hussain can do for you. His services are listed as:

“Scating bord, Floor bord, Door & Window, Garden, Fance, Plaster, Felshing for Information.”

I’m quite interested in ‘Felshing’ - it sounds vaguely criminal. Like a cross between filching (stealing or pilfering) and welshing (failing to pay a debt or obligation).

I wonder if he’d take me on as an apprentice?